Shaken, But Not Surprised
Ignorance Trumps Logic
Wow, so much to unpack here. I wanted to write this on Wednesday, but I needed some time to process the magnitude of it all. There have already been a million articles and posts about the results of the election. Most of which have been about where to place the blame, or what's next. I won't pontificate about the future or search for a cause here. But I will share some of the myriad of rambling thoughts that have been forefront in my mind this week.
First, as much as Yoav and I had developed high hopes that freedom and opportunity would win over hatred and division, we also had long held onto the sense that Tuesday's results is exactly what would happen. I've previously written that back on June 24, 2022 (the day Roe v Wade was overturned) we decided it was time to leave. It was time to pull up our very comfortable life in Philadelphia and immigrate to Portugal. That very evening, we half jokingly and half seriously set the goal of being in Porto and settled into our apartment before November 5th, 2024. Hindsight being what it is, we are incredibly grateful that we did the work and put a plan into action to accomplish this goal.
Both of us wanted to be wrong about the possibility that he would be reelected as president. We wanted to be very wrong, and for brief periods this past few weeks, we both had moments when we thought maybe she would win. But alas, our instinct was correct. This has been even more solidified by messages and comments from friends these past few days about us making the right decision to leave, along with a few regrets from people who did not see this coming.
I cannot stress enough that we have enormous gratitude for the ability to make this happen. So many of our friends do not have this option and we have both struggled with a bit of 'survivors guilt' about that. There have also been comments (not directed at us) about people taking the easy route of just leaving the country. To those I can only say that the decision to immigrate elsewhere was not taken lightly, and it was definitely not easy, nor will it be easy going forward.
As for myself, I feel I have spent so much of my life fighting the good fight. To be honest, I am tired and worn out from it all. I marched with ActUp and Queer Nation1 in Portland, Oregon, back in the day. I attended civil action planning meetings, volunteered with mail campaigns, and helped on back end technical support for various non-profits. I have marched in pride parades in Sacramento, Seattle, Portland, and Chicago. I have spent the majority of my life having to justify my existence and now that I am approaching my 60th birthday (next year), I feel the need to focus on taking care of myself.
After decades of discounting my artistic self by putting it on the back burner, and these past few years finally sorting out how I want to express my artistic self, I am ready to focus on how I can use my creativity to make my statement all the while taking care of myself. While I am very aware of my privilege in being able to make a new life in a new country, I am not going to feel that it is my job to carry the weight of the world and try to fix things which I cannot change.
As for the results of the election...
While I may have had a sense that he was going to be reelected, I am nonetheless flabbergasted by the unimaginable level of racism, hatred, and blatant ignorance held by the majority of the American people. I've never understood how anybody can live life completely oblivious to the world around them, have no interest in learning factual information, or just taking hearsay as truth without asking any questions.
At the same time, I feel as though America has revealed its true self. I am dumbfounded by the sheer number of, in my opinion, hateful people who hold onto racist, sexist, and misogynistic views. Yet, I have to believe that the majority of these people knew exactly what they were voting for... And they just don't care about their fellow humans. Truth and factuality have gone out the door and been replaced by a new societal view. A view I simply cannot wrap my head around.
Let's be honest... America has long held a rather selfish sense of itself. It has long been about "What's in it for me?". It is that outlook which was one of the driving factors in choosing Portugal. The people here are much more about the greater good. "How can we help each other?" After all, the country has only been a democracy for 50 years.
The very sad truth is that the majority of the people voted against their own best interest and the result is that everyone (save for the wealthy white men) will suffer for it2. Some will suffer lightly with minor inconveniences, some will suffer greatly, others will pay the price with their life. I am stymied by how many women believed the lie that he will not enable a nation-wide abortion ban. Just watch... It will happen. I would bet money on it.
Somehow, I believed that there was a chance that people would be turned off by his disgustingness. I believed that being a misogynistic, compulsively lying, racist, sexist, homophobic, narcissistic, xenophobic, convicted rapist, with 34 felony counts (and so many more things) just might be enough to turn people off. Clearly, I was wrong. Even more clearly, it says so much about who his voters are and where their priorities lie. It says even more about those who proclaim to be Christians all the while supporting a person who is probably the least Christian president in the history of our country.
Of course what happens in America will take root elsewhere in the world, adding to the already steady rise of the right in nearly every democratic country. I don't want to speculate on where things will go, but for me... the future doesn't seem very bright. At least not for the foreseeable future. While I have faith and hope in the younger generations, I feel it will be decades before the damage can be reversed, that is if it can be reversed.
In the meantime, I cannot fathom the level of rampant corruption that is about to be burdened upon the American people. Corruption that will ruin the lives of many while padding the pockets of a few.
It is likely that America will never be able to return to being a true democracy, and that is truly a sad thing. The country that was the beacon of the world, eaten up by its own greed and discontent.
For now, I am going to try and turn away from American politics and focus on learning about my newly adopted country. For now all I can say is... "Not my monkey, not my circus".
Act-Up (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) was a grassroots political group working to end the AIDS pandemic.
Queer Nation was another grassroots organization fighting for queer visibility and acceptance. I remember well how validating and liberating it was to march through downtown Portland Oregon in 1991 with Queer Nation where we frequently focused on fighting against Measure 9, a ballot measure proposing restrictions on LGBTQ rights and promoted by the Oregon Citizens Alliance. We wore neon colored Queer Nation stickers and shouted "We're here, We're Queer, Get used to it!". But truth be told, I was also terrified and intimidated by being so public at the same time.
As my photographer friend Giovanni Savino so clearly wrote:
Seniors voted to gut Social Security.
Men voted for their wives and daughters to die from miscarriages.
Immigrants voted for deportation raids.
Poor people voted for tax cuts for billionaires.
Women voted to have fewer rights than men.
Police voted for a convicted felon.
I spoke to a friend yesterday, a black man that moved from SF to Portugal 4 years ago. The level of racism did not surprise him. But he did not vote...his son (living in SF) didn’t vote. ..his sons friends did not vote. They all felt that Trump’s win was preordained and that there was nothing they could do to stop it. It saddened me that a new generation of voters felt so disempowered...they are our only hope.
I appreciated you sharing your thoughts with us. I, too, left the US this year and now live in Porto for many of the same reasons you discussed. I am grateful to be here, but you're right -- it's not easy starting over at 60 in a new country. I've marched in many a pride parade, participated in protests, and was at the Supreme Court steps when Obergefell was decided. I did not come out until my mid-thirties. Now I am scared for my (trans) daughter and her gf. I have been pushing them to consider moving here, but their lives and professions are there. They don't yet have passive income or freelance jobs that would allow them to obtain visas. I was afraid this would be the outcome, though I fervently hoped it would not be. Now I am just so sad for my country and for the futures of so many people. I am gutted to know that so many Americans freely voted to put that vile man back in the White House. Now, we figure out how to go on from here. Thanks again.